Sexual Assault

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Sexual Assault

In a nutshell I was abandoned at 13. At 21 I found my 1st love - pokes turned into pushing, then punching -before long I was just a hostage to him. After my beatings he would cry and I would comfort him and he’d make gentle love to me. Somehow somewhere sex got mixed in with the beatings - when I left him he broke into my apartment and unscrewed all the light bulbs. When I got home I was thinking "I know I paid the bill". I was so naïve. He was behind a door and pounced...
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Unfortunately we live in a world where rape culture is so rife that people no longer realise when they engage in it. Though we all know the staggering statistics about sexual assault, we seem to assume that no one we know has gone through that. We would have known! No, you wouldn’t have. Especially if you have been laughing at rape jokes or engaging in them yourself.
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From the age of 10 I was forced into a life of responsibility that was so far ahead of my emotional and physical years. My father had remarried an Indian woman who despised my brother and I because we were not brought up in the “correct” way under my mother. She quickly pushed me into the household roles of a typical Indian woman, which mean that I spent my time after school cleaning and cooking instead of enjoying extra curricular activities and making friends. When she had her son, she suffered from an intense bought of post natal depression, which added to my responsibilities – I now had to care for my 3 month old brother when he woke at night and I could hear her hard slaps on his soft skin.
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When most people think of “a rapist’, they think of a man wearing black clothes in a ski mask. He’s hiding in an alley and waiting for some unsuspecting young, attractive woman to happen across his path so he can attack her by surprise with the weapon he has handy. This attack will likely involve a significant physical assault. They will not know each other. When he is done, he will run off into the night and she will be left blitzed and broken, in need of blaring sirens from police and an ambulance. The facts show this is almost never what actually happens.
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by Ms B, kinkster, USA. I survived my father wanting sex with me. I had sex with my step brother. He then, when I moved out at 19, raped my little sister 6 years younger than I. My uncle, dad’s brother, still to this day tells me he wants to fuck me. I have heard […]
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Panic. For me it starts with the feeling of something being not quite right. The next symptom could be many things - aura, trembles, weak limbs, nausea, even coughing. One day I received an email and ended up on the floor in a fetal position, vomiting. For 8 months or so I lived from second to second. Yesterday did not exist. Tomorrow did not exist. Just now. Just the next breath. If I could make it through a breath then I was doing well. The total panic wasn't constant for that long. Perhaps two months. Two months I don't know how I got through. Food became an enemy, worse than ever before, even chocolate tasted like ash and felt like a lump of coal going down. Nausea was constant, as were other digestive complaints. I could not sleep and did not want to do anything else. I made myself eat. I made myself work. I made myself shower. And shave (when my hands weren't shaking so bad I cut myself). I could not make myself sleep. I did my best to keep my brain busy - TV and computer games - so I could stop thinking long enough to nod off. On the sofa.
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I am dead. Once long ago I lived my life by the book. Follow the rules. Get the grades. Tick the boxes. Tick. Tick. Tick. One day I met an angel. She breathed life to my pages. Little by little I rewrote the rules I learned to feel. I learned to breathe. I learned to trust. I had a family: mother, sister, sister, brother. And so it was, I was born.
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I have been a swinger for over 4 years and i went continously to a venue in which i trusted and i made friends with the staff and i thought that it was such a safe environment. Until one night, it was Australia day a fetish night was held i dressed up so sexy and i love to give a sexy impression. I saw a guy i had played with before i flirted and he wanted to head upstairs and his wife followed (in which i didnt know her) i told him that remember condoms are a must and i just thought why not it will be fun so we headed to a room.
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Everyone experiences trauma in different ways, but chances are you have just suffered through the most horrific period of your life. You may be feeling raw, guilty, angry, scared or something else entirely. Let me tell you this; the worst part is over. You survived the abuse. You are going to survive the recovery too.
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Mental health, just like physical health, isn’t just the absence of disease, but a state of well-being that we constantly strive for. And mental health practitioners can help us improve our mental health skills. A lot of these skills you’ve acquired growing up. There are skills about social interactions like turn-taking, sharing, reciprocity and empathy. There are also skills about self-regulation and ‘coping’, like eating chocolate, talking to friends, journaling, exercise and using positive affirmation. Most of the time, the skills we have work well, when we remember to use them. But sometimes we begin to rely on a few too heavily, like emotional eating or regularly shouting to be heard by our partner. Sometimes we encounter a new situation, where our old skills don’t see to be enough, like police officers working in hostage negotiation.
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