In a nutshell I was abandoned at 13. At 21 I found my 1st love - pokes turned into pushing, then punching -before long I was just a hostage to him. After my beatings he would cry and I would comfort him and he’d make gentle love to me. Somehow somewhere sex got mixed in with the beatings - when I left him he broke into my apartment and unscrewed all the light bulbs. When I got home I was thinking "I know I paid the bill". I was so naïve. He was behind a door and pounced...
From the age of 10 I was forced into a life of responsibility that was so far ahead of my emotional and physical years. My father had remarried an Indian woman who despised my brother and I because we were not brought up in the “correct” way under my mother. She quickly pushed me into the household roles of a typical Indian woman, which mean that I spent my time after school cleaning and cooking instead of enjoying extra curricular activities and making friends. When she had her son, she suffered from an intense bought of post natal depression, which added to my responsibilities – I now had to care for my 3 month old brother when he woke at night and I could hear her hard slaps on his soft skin.
by Ms B, kinkster, USA. I survived my father wanting sex with me. I had sex with my step brother. He then, when I moved out at 19, raped my little sister 6 years younger than I. My uncle, dad’s brother, still to this day tells me he wants to fuck me. I have heard […]
For me it starts with the feeling of something being not quite right. The next symptom could be many things - aura, trembles, weak limbs, nausea, even coughing.
One day I received an email and ended up on the floor in a fetal position, vomiting.
For 8 months or so I lived from second to second. Yesterday did not exist. Tomorrow did not exist. Just now. Just the next breath. If I could make it through a breath then I was doing well.
The total panic wasn't constant for that long. Perhaps two months. Two months I don't know how I got through. Food became an enemy, worse than ever before, even chocolate tasted like ash and felt like a lump of coal going down. Nausea was constant, as were other digestive complaints. I could not sleep and did not want to do anything else. I made myself eat. I made myself work. I made myself shower. And shave (when my hands weren't shaking so bad I cut myself). I could not make myself sleep. I did my best to keep my brain busy - TV and computer games - so I could stop thinking long enough to nod off. On the sofa.
I am dead.
Once long ago I lived my life by the book.
Follow the rules. Get the grades. Tick the boxes.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
One day I met an angel.
She breathed life to my pages.
Little by little I rewrote the rules
I learned to feel.
I learned to breathe.
I learned to trust.
I had a family: mother, sister, sister, brother.
And so it was, I was born.
I have been a swinger for over 4 years and i went continously to a venue in which i trusted and i made friends with the staff and i thought that it was such a safe environment. Until one night, it was Australia day a fetish night was held i dressed up so sexy and i love to give a sexy impression. I saw a guy i had played with before i flirted and he wanted to head upstairs and his wife followed (in which i didnt know her) i told him that remember condoms are a must and i just thought why not it will be fun so we headed to a room.
Growing up my life was good, carefree until I was 8. for 4 years I was a scared child. always was a shy child, kept to myself. when I was 8 years old I was molested by my uncle, was told to keep it quiet, don't tell anyone. being a child you listen to the adult, you keep quiet. then his son molested me too. between the two of them I was a child on the verge of breaking apart. but you put on an other exterior , a smile so no one sees what's going on. I kept this up for 4 years. I was repeatedly held down by one of them while the other did what he did. they left no bruises, nothing that could be found.
I always thought myself lucky growing up in a blue collar family. Having my dad’s easy going nature and quick wit with my mum’s caring and protective nature. Somehow I found an out of the box thinking and a greater understanding beyond my years mixed into the traits of my parents. Being an average looking but understanding kid led me to know all the unspoken things as I was easy to talk to and always kept secrets.
I was visiting with my former stepfather and he was away at school at the time. His ex was there and she got some beer we started drinking. Before I knew it, I was drunk and the next thing I know my clothes are off and she has me on the bed. I said “stop stop! What are you doing” and I felt so weak. She was on top of me just having her way and then I must have past out because I wake up the next morning. I was just ashamed and humiliated and I felt so used.
I was having the best year of my life. I had just freed myself from a bad relationship and was learning who I was again. I had just bought my first house, I had a job that I loved and friends who supported me. I could conquer the world if I set my mind to it.
I allowed myself a short fling, which gave me some much needed confidence after my 4 year relationship with someone who I suspect was more interested in men than women, though hadn’t faced it yet. I was having great sex and enjoying the feeling of being sought after.