Anonymous, submissive, Australia.
Growing up my life was good, carefree until I was 8. for 4 years I was a scared child. always was a shy child, kept to myself. when I was 8 years old I was molested by my uncle, was told to keep it quiet, don’t tell anyone. being a child you listen to the adult, you keep quiet. then his son molested me too. between the two of them I was a child on the verge of breaking apart. but you put on an other exterior , a smile so no one sees what’s going on. I kept this up for 4 years. I was repeatedly held down by one of them while the other did what he did. they left no bruises, nothing that could be found.
No one knew in my family, they didn’t even suspect I was that good at hiding it. when I turned 11 it all stopped and I had a good time in high school. I was still in edge everytime he was near, but he never tried anything.
After awhile you put it out of your mind and move on, well you try too.
Then you hear that he did the same thing to his daughter. then everything turned crap.the family turned against him, his wide threw him out. but in the end she took him back. I was still so scared to say something I didn’t say a word.
I thought, I will meet someone get married have kids and everything will be fine, and it was for awhile.
The first time you are hit you think it was an accident , but in the end after being hit 10 times you realise if wasn’t an accident.
You want to leave, but you can’t.
After repeatedly being hit , kicked, locked in cupboards for days sometimes, having a belt around your neck and pulled tight. being forced to sex, oral sex then being grabbed by the hair and thrown across the room with him still having a chunk of hair in his hands. I also was blindfolded and while I didn’t know at the time there was another person in the room at one time. found this out years later after he left. this stopped for a short while I was pregnant, but didn’t last long. one day he pushed and kicked me down the stairs. I was taken to hospital were I lost the baby . I was kept sedated for a week. he told them I fell down the stairs, they believed him.
He stopped once I got home from the hospital. I was still in that cycle I want to leave but I can’t. I can’t tell anyone, were do I go. so I stayed.
I ended up having another baby, through ivf. she was my miracle, during this pregnancy there was no hitting, punching.
When she was born, it was good for awhile, but it started up again . not like before , but he hit, verbal abuse too was very prevalent . he loved to put myself down, didn’t matter who was in the room or where we were . the hitting was never ever done in front of my daughter. I tried so hard not to let her see or find out what was going on.
In the end he left one day while we were out, either that or I would have ended up in a pine box.
From the time he left to when I first started seeing someone again and let touch me, was 10 years. this was when I discovered bdsm. I always knew there was something missing in my life, this was it.
This only lasted 4 months. so I decided to try again, this time on a dating site. worst mistake of my life . I met this so called Dom, I was raped and just left alone. I couldn’t report it the police , I was in shock.
I have a friend who is a policewoman, I told her. I was told to go to the doctor and get tested, I did. luckily I was clean. it was his word against mine. but my friend “unofficially ” and some of her friends paid him a visit. never heard from him again. I decided then I wouldn’t go down that road again. I then ended up having an OL Daddy. we had been friends in a group on FB . we had a lot in common and one day he told me how he felt about me. this lasted for a few months. but I knew something wasn’t right. he was distant when we talked, he didn’t call me baby girl or princess anymore. he was having a lot problems with family and it was all getting too much. I asked to be released , he granted the request. we still remain friends.
Then one day a friend said to create a profile on a kink site, I did. but nothing happened for awhile , then I revamped my ad I had placed in there. that’s when my Master answered . we chatted, then met . I was very nervous when we met, I still am today. lol
We have been together for nearly 8 months. we have had our ups and downs, but we are getting there. he has been a tremendous help with me being in pain because of a medical problem. he has held back on what he has wanted to try with me, even though I have wanted him to continue with a session he has said no.
It has only been recently that my daughter has found out the truth. she knew a little, but when she turned 18 my Master said to me – ” I think it’s time she knew the truth”. so I told her, and it was the hardest thing to do.
Recently I told my uncle what I thought of him as he lay in a hospital bed . told him – ” I hope you rot in hell”.
He never said a word.
There was a big relief when I said those words. he took part of my childhood away and I can’t get it back.
I am slowly building my life with the help of my wonderful Master and daughter.